WHY BOROMIR IS AN EMPTY BEER BOTTLE!
by Shelly-the-great
Summary: This is contradiction to ZenZen's "Why Boromir is not an empty beer bottle". Hope you like it!


WHY BOROMIR IS AN EMPTY BEER BOTTLE! (contradiction of ZenZen's "Why Boromir is not an empty beer bottle")  
  
Note: As you may have noticed, I did a contradiction or debate or argument on proving Aragorn is an onion, well here's another one.  
Well, well, well. Boromir not an empty beer bottle? Impossible! He is most certainly an empty beer bottle! - The jade monkey from the moon agrees with me - And I'm going to prove it!  
  
The first statement I'll make is: Boromir is empty, just like the beer bottle. What is your definition of "empty"?  
  
I'm using the term "empty" as in there is no beer type of empty. And Boromir is empty of beer, so therefore he is an empty beer bottle.  
  
Oh btw, a bottle is never COMPLETELY empty. It always has something lurking in it, or stuck to its side - for eg. ants, spit etc, not to mention all those micro-organisms.  
  
Yes anyway, Boromir may have fluids, but the beer bottle also has fluids - you know that little bit of spit that cakes the bottle rim? If you don't call that fluid, I don't know what you would call fluid! Spit = fluid. But as I was saying, Boromir is empty.  
  
Well his head is empty, we can figure (only an empty-head meanie would attempt to steal the ring of poor darling Frodo!), and we all know that an empty beer bottle's head is empty as well. There we go. Boromir is an empty beer bottle.  
  
Secondly, and I'll take this directly from ZenZen's argument - "The beer bottle has been drained of the one thing people buy it for. Beer. Therefore it is trash, and will be treated as trash" - WELL! A BEER BOTTLE IS CERTAINLY NOT TRASH!  
  
People collect bottles! And I'm sure people collected bits of Boromir as he flowed down the river - those evil orcs, you can't trust them - and Saruman, friend of Sauron, you can just see him displaying Boromir's elbows proudly.  
  
Bottles can be recycled! And let me assure you, Boromir WAS recycled. "circle of life" some call it.  
  
And bottles can be reused, for eg. A cheap vase. And Boromir was reused as well - maybe not as a vase, but as fertilizer! *Boromir Fertilizer! Come get your Boromir Fertilizer! Only $10.99! And if you ring in the next 15 minutes, we will throw in a free pot!*  
  
Ok, ok, moving on. I'm not here to prove that beer bottles are not trash, but since I accidentally have, I'll state this:  
  
Empty beer bottles are not trash. And Boromir is certainly not trash either. Therefore, Boromir must be an empty beer bottle.  
  
Relating back to the quote earlier on why beer bottles are being drained for - beer: an empty beer bottle was drained of beer, right?  
  
Well, when Boromir was sliced and diced, ok that's too explicit - when he was killed - how do we know that he wasn't drained too? Aragorn might had gotten thirsty.  
  
Or say, when he was floating majestically down the river, some hungry vampire didn't drain him dry? *Excuse me if you're feeling sick, I didn't intend for that*  
  
So, it is impossible to say that Boromir cannot be drained, just like a beer bottle can be. So therefore, Boromir must be an empty beer bottle.  
  
ZenZen quoted, "Boromir got attacked by orcs, the empty beer bottle didn't." Now, where's the proof that the orcs didn't attack a beer bottle that Gollum captured? Exactly. You can't prove it. So, an empty beer bottle could have gotten attacked for all we know.  
  
Which brings me to an interesting thought. It took how many arrows to kill Boromir?! Those arrows piercing him almost everywhere and he's still alive and complaining "ooh I'm dying. But I'm gonna kill more orcs anyway".  
  
Now, if an empty beer bottle was in the same situation as Boromir, it'll be still moving even with 20 arrows poking out of its glass. It'll be simply rolling around, until a fatal arrow breaks its fragile glass frame.  
  
So ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Boromir is an empty beer bottle.  
  
Ok, let's have a look at the similar physical aspects between Boromir and an empty beer bottle. Now, to a drunk, anything looks like an empty beer bottle. So technically, Boromir would look like an empty beer bottle.  
  
And may I add to a drunk, a beer bottle is very attractive, just like we all believe that Boromir is very attractive.  
  
So once again, Boromir must be an empty beer bottle.  
  
And btw, an empty beer bottle would look very adorable with a little wig and a smiley face. Just like Boromir would with a long blonde wig and lipstick.  
  
Anyway, my next point. Boromir WAS a very supportive and helpful person to the Fellowship - well to most; I think he just gave Frodo stress.  
  
And an empty beer bottle WAS very supportive as well. I mean, after all the Fellowship went through, a beer bottle must be very supportive and helpful.  
  
So for the last time: Boromir = empty beer bottle.  
  
Now, in conclusion, I'll say one thing: the jade monkey was correct. (haha, ZenZen!) Boromir is most certainly and utterly and definitely an empty beer bottle. 


End file.
